It is early morning here just past five and the first birds have begun to sing. I have many issues associated with dormant cancer pain being one. However even on pain mornings I am blessed to be bundled up with Bella and the laptop watching Duncan sleep and wondering why I didn’t get the back lite kindle. LOL!
However I have spent the last few months thinking deeply about life and the quirks it can give you. I have never felt more loved or less like myself. I went to film a crazy sexy segment of the doctors and for some wild ass reason decided to color my natural hair chestnut. It is normally white. I was thinking well if I don’t like it I can go back it is my natural color. However it is not that easy so I will have to be juggling my inner Angelina instead of my inner Amanda Seyfried. But hey it is just hair. Life has taught me a lot this year. Around this time last year the family and I had begun discussing the possibility of Momma and Papa moving from Shreveport. Can it have been a year. Papa knew he had to get somewhat well to move and become a whole family. I realize he was never as well as he tried to behave like me he stayed late in his room to gather his strength. Right now if he were still alive we would be having a very strong cup of Community Coffee and watching the sun come up and the little critters come out to play. Bella was four months old that January when we went to get them and now she is a spoiled but amazing member of our family. I was down today and she laid her head on my chest and I suppose as all dogs can read, she read the kindle with me. We soaked in some healing time. I have fears and then irrational fears I have had several sets of xrays and no more lesions but my hip that I chipped helping Papa is giving me a time this morning. But it that is all I have to complain about I am blessed.
A dear friend and my doctor went to his homeland to recover his child and grandson. Syria is in a terror ridden war and the children are in danger. I am so relieved he got his beautiful son out. But it bodes the question are we ever going to stop fighting in the name of God.I have been watching both conventions and seem to be blown away buy the hate that radiates from them. I was so proud of President Clinton tonight as he talked about how his foundation works and how it works regardless of politics and the President’s club seems to be pulling in all favors and moving mountains to make life bareable for those in horrid dramatic situations. However as quietly as we would like to make it every day in this country children go to bed hungry. I wonder if those millions of people who read The Hunger Games realize that so many miner families are starving to death today in the USA so many veterans have no where to sleep. I am not a fan of either healthcare system. I do not want medicare revoked or a forced insurance. I pay uninsured motorist insurance because when people cannot pay they take the risk of the fine or end up in the emergency room for something as little as an infection that turns septic because there is no walk in clinic. A walk in clinic in each city free to those who need it would be a great way to clear the er for those who do. It would also allow mothers and fathers both the working poor and the poor to go to the doctor before it became a life threatening emergency. A small supposedly cyst that is really breast cancer could have been treated small. By the time it is necrotic you have a poverty ridden family that cannot afford to bury a loved one. The cycle is horrid that is why Basic Missions is here to try and eliminate the end result.
I know how lucky I am that today I will have pain management surgery and will be blessed with a few sore days and a few achy ones but in the end I will be comfortable another month.
Honestly since this is a stich and bitch session. One of the few times a year I just rant a little this has been the hardest two months of my life. I had extensive work commitments that I was so looking forward to that had to be put off. Or may never be picked up again. I had pain issues, Papa died, and Momma is ill. Her Alzhiemers is getting worse quickly and it is heartbreaking. I will see her this morning before surgery get all the kisses I can stand and then head off to surgery. It is really mini surgery.
I cannot help but take a minute tonight to talk about my own Dad. I have great fears for him. He cannot handle his chemo but I feel good about that. I just want to spend a lot more time with him. I never get enough family time and right now my family is so sharp and tense it is papable. But that is only normal when you get a new cancer diagnosis. I adore my Daddy and I have had such a nutty life with both Duncan and I being ill I have lost so much time. I see Sleigh now 14 and Daddy ill. Momma blowing and going and life changing. Deb in love and moving on and life beginning a new for Duncan and I. I also see Momma Eloise and we want her home. I don’t like her being out of pocket. I know that she will someday not be able to come home for her own protection but we just finished getting the porches and rooms the way she wanted them. She is an amazing person. And very profound. I have learned a lot from her in the past year. Here is the best lesson… respect the living. When she says Papa is in Texas she means I know he has passed but this helps me. So Papa is in Texas. It is what her beautiful mind can handle. If you ask she knows he has been buried and we couldn’t go because the doctors refused to allow it. However that is fine with her. She is not wanting to leave Alabama. I love that she is a Stienmart Addict now and loved to get up and put on beautiful things. Clothes wash so why now. She is also loving her pearls. She always wanted a long set so Duncan got her a set. She doesn’t want them passed down she wants to be buried in them. She didn’t want them at rehab but normally she sleeps in them. She is adorable. We visited the makeup counter for rouge and a bright red lipstick and she was a kid in a candy store. She is a joy. We really are living a dream. When we got married we thought we would never have enough. How grateful are we to have more than enough. That we can plan, visit makeup stores and get catfish on Fridays. Speaking of our little dump Saraland Corner Resturant is having it’s last day on Friday so if your interested in the best catfish on earth or the best vietnamese salad or pho head over and give them a big sending off. I am going to miss them. I eat that salad daily it is gluten free, sugar free, and divine. Noodles, lettuce a few pieces of grilled steak a few grilled scrimp marinated carrots and then a coconut fish sauce that tops it off with mung bean sprouts chili pepper and thai basil and cilantro………..omg. I pray Mr. Tim passes along the recipe.
Well, I am babbling and sharing. I am looking forward to teaching you cooking school. I am still rebooting. I was a bit frustrated that even though that saying is trademarked people are using it but oh well…………life right. So nuts, but we all need a good phrase as writers. My friend Kris Carr is changing her Crazy Sexy Cancer site into a wellness hub named Kriscarr.com so garner some wisdom and catch her reboot. Also remember to think about what classes you would like here. We are going to teach a free public class but we are also teaching private healing classes as well. I am a healing and life coach. I am happy to say that Healing from the Cordon Bleu to Cancer should be in your bookstore in a few weeks all glossy and shiney and full of living in joy and beating cancer. All the stories are true and all the food divine. So read, cook, and interact with me it is an interactive experience. Change is coming. And Change is a good thing.
I wish you well. I think we are going to have a rainy day the sun is not up yet but fall is here and it is now six in the morning. I wish you a day of graditude and joy. It is up to you to create a day that you want be proactive not reactive and act with love always.
Life is beautiful. Much love.